Posts Tagged ‘transvestism’

Why do we Dress?

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

friendjobIt’s been a while since I posted and I’m sorry for that. I’m also sorry for not replying to some of your emails. I have had a lot of weird and sudden changes going on in my life and so my time has been bankrupt.


I’ve been wanting to do this post exploring why we like to pretty ourselves up in fine dresses, make up, wigs and what not. The problem is that I can’t really speak for the entire transgendered community, as I am but a solitary young transvestite (or whatever) and can really only speak for myself.

I know some of us actually identify as women full time. These types may be inclined to take hormones, live full time as a lady and maybe even get their peepee sliced off. While I certainly feel for these people, and am well tuned into the notion of not fully being able to be oneself, this is not my case.

But was I ever confused?

Maybe a little bit. I’ve certainly never desired to lose the private places, but I have definitely had an affinity for crossdressing since I was a very young age. In fact, I can’t really remember a time when I didn’t want to occasionally sport spit curls and a light, airy Easter dress. Apparently, I would try on my sister’s clothes even as a toddler.

As I got older, I had a lot of additional fantasies. I was interested in trying to live as a woman for brief spurts of time. A weekend or so. Yet, I could never work up the balls to propose this idea to my parental figures. Alone in the bathroom, before showering, I would put on my mom’s makeup, try on a random bra or dress if it happened to be hanging on the back of the door, and do my hair up however I could with whatever hair enhancements I could find.

Older yet, enough to be left home alone, I loved raiding mom’s closet. There were a world of dresses to explore. Eventually, I began inheriting the dresses by way of a thinly veiled excuse that I wanted costumes for skit videos I would film. This seemed to be acceptable to my family and so it opened the door to wigs. Halloween was always the best of all reasons to purchase them, but I was often limited to costume grade bullshit. And of course, I did utilize these garments for far more Halloweens than were likely inconspicuous to my family and friends.

When ebay came, the flood gates completely opened. I went especially wig crazy. Private dressing continued when alone. Eventually, I made some very understanding friends who found interest in playing dress up with me. Slowly, this notion that I was, indeed, an occasional transvestite came to the surface. Now, I’d have to say that most of my friends are aware of it and those that are take it rather casually.

brunetteearout2And I have learned to as well.

The truth is, I do love being a girl, but I also love being a guy. It really just depends on the mood and what’s going on. Sometimes I want to dress and sometimes I don’t.

There certainly is a sexual element that I have as a female that I don’t have as a male. Masculinity does not make me feel “sexy.” However, to be completely submerged in femininity, to the point of complete outside saturation, is very appealing and exciting in a lot of ways. At these times, I do feel sexy. This is why I think so many of us are heterosexual according to our biological bodies. We appreciate femininity in ways that other, less in-touch straight guys can even imagine.

Also, I have certainly come to appreciate dressing as an art. If I can pass, I did a damn good job. Plus, with the body as a canvass, there is so much that can be done. Hiding the penis. Slimming the waist. Applying the make up. Styling the wig. This is all truly an art. Furthermore, it’s an art that not so many other guys are very good at.

And what about the sheer rush of actually purchasing a wig or dress in a store? It’s such a wonderfully taboo feeling. One that only we can really understand!

Though I came into my own as having a good personal grip on my transvestism, one thing that really solidified my feelings about it was the COGIATI, which stands for Combined Gender Identity and Transsexuality Inventory. My value on the COGIATI is a 70. This is a classification three, or androgyne. Despite the terminology, androgyne in this case does not mean that I am draw to appearing gender neutral (though sometimes it is great fun). What it denotes is that, like I said, I am as equally interested in appearing as a male as I am female, depending on the moment.

Nowadays, I certainly cherish and celebrate my transvestism. I recommend it to everyone, in fact, and would not change it for the world. It simply feels right, pure and true.

This is not the case for everyone though. If you are confused about dressing, I certainly encourage you to see how you score on the COGIATI by clicking here. And wherever you fall on its spectrum, accept it and embrace it. Transgenderism can be highly rewarding if you do!

Thrift Store Shopping: No One is Really Watching You

Wednesday, October 7th, 2009

thriftstoreThough it takes some digging, thrift stores can be inexpensive goldmines for lady’s clothing. Shopping online cannot hold a candle to the organic beauty of thumbing through a rack of gowns and blouses. There is a downside, however, depending on your level of comfort with being “out.” Basically, everyone else in the store can see you shopping for women’s clothing.

Whether or not this actually bothers you, varies by the person. As for me, my transvestism is known as fact to a few close friends, comfortably assumed by several others, and is yet completely hidden from many more people. I live in a midsized town where word travels relatively quick. More than anything, my exploits have lead to an abundance of ambiguity about my sex and gender related interests. I’ve been seen in drag on a good number of occasions, but to most people it’s merely a side note to my larger reputation. Said reputation involves some business, some entertainment and a hell of a lot of social networking. Running into people most everywhere I go, I generally keep my transvestism on a matter-of-factly, need-to-know basis.

So how comfortable am I shopping for women’s clothing? Generally it depends on who is in the store. Living in a red state, scary mullet headed rednecks are commonplace and so are neo-con fratboys. I don’t need either kind of person kicking my ass on the way to my car because I bought a new skirt. Recently, however, I had an eye opening experience at the thrift store.

I had recently taken a job that allowed me to travel around the state. Naturally, I spent my downtime visiting up whatever local thrift shop was nearby. Being in an unfamiliar city always makes it easier to browse women’s clothing because if no one recognizes me, there will be no one asking awkward questions later. I found a few items of interest for cheap. A blouse, a sweater, a wig, a hat, a clip on hair extension and some make up at a wholesale outlet. All for about $25 total. When I got back to my town, the thrift shopping bug was still inside me and so I ventured down to a one of our locals.

Already inside were each of the aforementioned stereotypes. Not one, but two mullet headed (and overall wearing) rednecks, and also a keenly dressed black dude who may or may not have been a neo-con fratboy, but I wasn’t taking any chances. And so I stayed around the perimeter of the women’s section, in between sifting through old records and, when the coast was clear, making quick jaunts into the gowns and formal attire hung on high racks that I could hide behind. All the while I kept my eye on the rednecks and the black guy. The rednecks didn’t seem to notice me at all, but the black guy kept looking over at me, which 1) was uncomfortable and 2) seemed to reaffirm the possibility that he was of the judgmental kind.

I returned to the records and got my head engrossed in the 45′s. I looked back to check if I had the proper browsing opportunities and suddenly, it became quite clear as to why the black guy was watching me: He was watching me because I was watching him. And now that I was hung up on the 45′s, he took his own opportunity to do exactly what I had been waiting to do. He began exploring the women’s clothing! It was the same section I was waiting for as well.

It all became clear to me. He was no frat boy. What would a frat boy be doing in a thrift store anyway? He was but another transgender, like myself, watching out for what I was watching, just as I was doing the same to him. He didn’t care if I browsed the gowns because he was there for the same reason. There was even a point when I was browsing the formal attire on the high racks when he came around the corner (dong his own browsing), saw me and quickly, awkwardly changed direction.

As for the rednecks, I’m not sure if they were ever aware I was there. They never looked in my direction, let alone made eye contact. So the lesson here is that, aside from be cautious when letting our gender identities out to the people we do know, we should really pay no mind to those that we don’t know. Most everyone is there to shop…not people watch. If you do happen to find yourself under the observant scrutiny of a stranger, there’s a good chance it’s for the same reason you are scrutinizing them.

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