Posts Tagged ‘cogiati’

Why do we Dress?

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

friendjobIt’s been a while since I posted and I’m sorry for that. I’m also sorry for not replying to some of your emails. I have had a lot of weird and sudden changes going on in my life and so my time has been bankrupt.

Anyway…

I’ve been wanting to do this post exploring why we like to pretty ourselves up in fine dresses, make up, wigs and what not. The problem is that I can’t really speak for the entire transgendered community, as I am but a solitary young transvestite (or whatever) and can really only speak for myself.

I know some of us actually identify as women full time. These types may be inclined to take hormones, live full time as a lady and maybe even get their peepee sliced off. While I certainly feel for these people, and am well tuned into the notion of not fully being able to be oneself, this is not my case.

But was I ever confused?

Maybe a little bit. I’ve certainly never desired to lose the private places, but I have definitely had an affinity for crossdressing since I was a very young age. In fact, I can’t really remember a time when I didn’t want to occasionally sport spit curls and a light, airy Easter dress. Apparently, I would try on my sister’s clothes even as a toddler.

As I got older, I had a lot of additional fantasies. I was interested in trying to live as a woman for brief spurts of time. A weekend or so. Yet, I could never work up the balls to propose this idea to my parental figures. Alone in the bathroom, before showering, I would put on my mom’s makeup, try on a random bra or dress if it happened to be hanging on the back of the door, and do my hair up however I could with whatever hair enhancements I could find.

Older yet, enough to be left home alone, I loved raiding mom’s closet. There were a world of dresses to explore. Eventually, I began inheriting the dresses by way of a thinly veiled excuse that I wanted costumes for skit videos I would film. This seemed to be acceptable to my family and so it opened the door to wigs. Halloween was always the best of all reasons to purchase them, but I was often limited to costume grade bullshit. And of course, I did utilize these garments for far more Halloweens than were likely inconspicuous to my family and friends.

When ebay came, the flood gates completely opened. I went especially wig crazy. Private dressing continued when alone. Eventually, I made some very understanding friends who found interest in playing dress up with me. Slowly, this notion that I was, indeed, an occasional transvestite came to the surface. Now, I’d have to say that most of my friends are aware of it and those that are take it rather casually.

brunetteearout2And I have learned to as well.

The truth is, I do love being a girl, but I also love being a guy. It really just depends on the mood and what’s going on. Sometimes I want to dress and sometimes I don’t.

There certainly is a sexual element that I have as a female that I don’t have as a male. Masculinity does not make me feel “sexy.” However, to be completely submerged in femininity, to the point of complete outside saturation, is very appealing and exciting in a lot of ways. At these times, I do feel sexy. This is why I think so many of us are heterosexual according to our biological bodies. We appreciate femininity in ways that other, less in-touch straight guys can even imagine.

Also, I have certainly come to appreciate dressing as an art. If I can pass, I did a damn good job. Plus, with the body as a canvass, there is so much that can be done. Hiding the penis. Slimming the waist. Applying the make up. Styling the wig. This is all truly an art. Furthermore, it’s an art that not so many other guys are very good at.

And what about the sheer rush of actually purchasing a wig or dress in a store? It’s such a wonderfully taboo feeling. One that only we can really understand!

Though I came into my own as having a good personal grip on my transvestism, one thing that really solidified my feelings about it was the COGIATI, which stands for Combined Gender Identity and Transsexuality Inventory. My value on the COGIATI is a 70. This is a classification three, or androgyne. Despite the terminology, androgyne in this case does not mean that I am draw to appearing gender neutral (though sometimes it is great fun). What it denotes is that, like I said, I am as equally interested in appearing as a male as I am female, depending on the moment.

Nowadays, I certainly cherish and celebrate my transvestism. I recommend it to everyone, in fact, and would not change it for the world. It simply feels right, pure and true.

This is not the case for everyone though. If you are confused about dressing, I certainly encourage you to see how you score on the COGIATI by clicking here. And wherever you fall on its spectrum, accept it and embrace it. Transgenderism can be highly rewarding if you do!